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LEAVE A MESSAGE ..................
Thank you for calling 911. All of our operators
are currently busy. Please stay on the line, and your call will
be answered in the order it was received. (Worst Muzak possible)
Thank you for holding. Your call is important to us. Please continue
to hold. Or, if your little emergency isn't too serious, leave
a message at the tone, and one of our crisis operators will call
you back. Have a nice day.
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You have reached the Suicide Prevention Hotline. All our lines
are busy now, but if you leave your name and number, someone will
get back to you as soon as possible.
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You have reached the Des Moines chapter of the Iowa Procrastination
Society. Please leave a message after the tone and we'll get around
to it ...
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This is the Literacy Self Test Hotline. After the tone, leave
your name and number, and recite a sentence using today's vocabulary
word. Today's word is supercilious.
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Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent
the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are
my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money.
If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female,
don't worry, I have plenty of money.
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Hi, dudes, this is 555-1212, the Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles'
secret underground hideaway. I'm afraid we're all out just now
on a desperate mission to save the planet from boring answering
machine messages. But, if you know what The Shredder has done
to April O'Neill, or if you know where he is, or if you can think
of a decent pizza recipe, just leave your name and number and
we'll ring you right back. But don't say anything yet! Enemy agents
may be listening. When the computer has checked they're not eavesdropping,
it will make a bleeping noise and you can speak freely.
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Thanks for calling Dial-A-Shrink. I can't come to the phone right
now, so after the tone, please leave your name and number, then
talk briefly about your childhood and tell me what comes to mind
when you hear the following words: orange ... mother ... unicorn
... penis. I'll get back to you with my diagnosis as soon as possible.
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Hello. You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving
messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub
and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through the
office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with
me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.
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Hi, this is George. If you are calling to collect a student loan,
gambling debt, or other obligation, please press 1 and hang up
now. If you are selling any product or service, or requesting
charitable donations, please press 2 and hang up now. Otherwise,
press 3 and leave your message now. Pressing 3 is optional.
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Sorry, Chris and Susan aren't here right now. Please leave your
name and number after the tone. If you are calling regarding an
outstanding debt, please leave your message before the tone.
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Thank you for calling 555-1212. If you wish to speak to Tim, push
1 on your touch tone phone now. If you wish to speak to Lynn,
push 2 on your touch tone phone now. If you have a wrong number,
push 3 on your touch tone phone now. All of this button pushing
doesn't do anything, but it is a good way to work off anger, and
it makes us feel like we have a big-time phone system.
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